Understanding the Anxiety Cycle: Avoidance and How to Break Free
Anxiety has a way of showing up when we least expect it, and often when we least want it. Over the years, many individuals describe anxiety as a physical wave they feel before they even fully register what they’re worried about. Others experience it as a constant hum in the background, a sense that something "bad" is looming, even when no clear danger exists.
If you’ve been caught in the anxiety cycle, you're not alone. This loop affects so many people, and the cycle often continues not because something is wrong with you, but because your brain is trying (often unsuccessfully) to protect you. The good news? Understanding the cycle gives you power. Awareness is the first step toward interrupting it.
The Anxiety Cycle
Stage 1: Feeling Anxious
Anxiety usually starts with a trigger. Sometimes it's obvious (like giving a presentation, deadlines at work, or conflict with someone you care about). Other times, the trigger is more internal: a worry about health, an intrusive thought, a memory that pops up unexpectedly, or even a bodily sensation like a racing heart.
Your brain’s job is to detect potential danger, but when anxiety is chronic or disproportionate, that “danger detector” becomes overly sensitive. What follows is a cascade of emotional and physical sensations - tightness in your chest, racing thoughts, restlessness, or a feeling that you need to do something right away to make the discomfort stop.
I often remind clients that anxiety is a normal human emotion. Even the physical symptoms make sense when you understand them. Our fight-or-flight system is built to keep us safe, but sometimes we can experience the physical reaction without the actual threat being present (Barlow, 2002).
Stage 2: Attempting to Escape or Avoid the Situation
This is the stage where the anxiety cycle really begins to reinforce itself. Avoidance is incredibly tempting because it works… well at least for a moment.
Maybe you cancel plans.
Maybe you leave a crowded store.
Maybe you procrastinate on an overwhelming task.
Maybe you distract yourself - scrolling on your phone, binge-watching a show, or overworking.
Avoidance isn’t always dramatic. Often it’s subtle. You might tell yourself, “I’ll deal with this later,” or “I just don’t feel up to it today.” These responses are understandable. When your nervous system feels overwhelmed, your brain signals you to retreat.
Research consistently shows that avoidance maintains anxiety rather than reducing it long-term. According to studies in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), avoiding feared situations prevents your brain from getting accurate information that the situation is not actually dangerous (Craske et al., 2014). In other words, you never get a chance to disconfirm the anxious thoughts!
Stage 3: Feeling Temporary Relief
Here’s where the cycle becomes self-reinforcing.
When you avoid the thing that makes you anxious - you immediately feel better. Your physical symptoms calm down, your mind quiets, and you think, “Thank goodness I didn’t have to deal with that.”
This relief, however, is temporary.
It reinforces the belief that the situation was dangerous, and avoiding it kept you safe. Your brain learns: “Avoidance works.”
The next time you face something similar, the anxiety hits harder and faster. The relief you felt becomes the reward. The avoidance becomes the strategy. And over time, the avoidance can start to take up more and more space in your life - leading to frustration, self-doubt, or feelings of missing out.
Many people have mentioned to me, “I don’t want to avoid things, I just don’t know how to stop.” That’s completely okay! When relief feels like survival, avoidance becomes automatic.
Stage 4: Feeling Anxious Again
Unfortunately, because the underlying fear isn’t resolved through avoidance, the anxiety returns - and it often returns stronger.
The brain doesn't get the opportunity to learn that the feared situation is manageable or safe. The next time you encounter a similar trigger, your nervous system may alert you even earlier or more intensely. Over time, the world can start to feel smaller as anxiety controls more of your decisions, behaviours, and relationships.
This is often the point where people seek therapy, not because they’ve done anything wrong, but because the anxiety is beginning to limit their daily life. You might find yourself saying no to experiences you used to enjoy, losing confidence in your ability to cope, or feeling confused about why anxiety keeps showing up.
Breaking the Anxiety Cycle:
Practical Steps You Can Start Today!
The anxiety cycle can feel powerful, but there are small, gentle steps you can begin taking on your own. These aren’t about forcing yourself into situations or pushing past your limits - they’re about building awareness, self-compassion, and new habits that can start to shift the pattern over time.
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One of the most important steps is simply recognizing when you’re entering Stage 1. Slow down and name what you’re feeling:
“My chest feels tight.”
“My thoughts are racing.”
“I feel overwhelmed right now.”
This awareness pulls you out of autopilot mode and gives you a chance to respond more intentionally, instead of reacting impulsively.
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Avoidance can often feels automatic, but you can begin to interrupt it by naming it:
“I want to avoid this.”
“I’m having the urge to escape.”
You don’t need to act on the urge. You’re just creating awareness towards it. This small pause is incredibly powerful and can create just enough distance between you and the automatic behaviour.
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When anxiety hits, grounding can help bring you back into the present moment, making the situation feel less overwhelming. A few options:
The 4-7-8 breath:
Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale slowly for 8.The 5-4-3-2-1 sensory practice:
Notice 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.Temperature change:
Holding something cold or splashing your face with water can help interrupt the physiological stress response.These techniques don’t “fix” anxiety - but they reduce its intensity enough to help you take the next step.
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Instead of avoiding the entire situation, try taking just one manageable step forward. For example:
If you’re anxious about a task, focus on starting for five minutes.
If social anxiety appears, try sending one text or attending for a short amount of time.
If driving makes you anxious, practice sitting in the car before pulling out of the driveway.
Small actions send your brain the message that you can handle the situation, even if it feels uncomfortable.
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Anxiety tends to peak, plateau, and eventually fall - whether we avoid the situation or not. If you stay present, you may notice that the intensity changes. Remind yourself:
“This feeling won’t last forever.”
“I’ve felt this before and it passed.”
The more you experience anxiety decreasing without escaping the situation, the more your brain learns it’s not dangerous.
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Anxiety is often fuelled by catastrophic thinking (worst case scenario thoughts). When you notice your thoughts spiralling, try shifting them to something more balanced:
Instead of: “I can’t handle this.”
Try: “This is uncomfortable, but I can take it one step at a time.”Instead of: “Something bad will happen.”
Try: “My mind is trying to protect me, but I don’t need to believe every thought.”
You’re not trying to become overly positive - you’re aiming for realistic and compassionate.
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Each time you face something instead of avoiding it (no matter how small) acknowledge it.
You might jot it down in a note on your phone:
“I made the phone call.”
“I went to the event for 20 minutes.”
“I finished a task I’ve been procrastinating.”
Celebrating small successes helps create new associations in your brain. It reinforces confidence instead of fear!
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Anxiety thrives when life feels chaotic or unpredictable. Establishing small routines can help soothe your nervous system. This might include:
Going for a short walk daily
Having consistent sleep and wake times
Drinking water regularly
Spending time outdoors
Practicing gentle stretching or mindful movement
These practices don’t eliminate anxiety, but they create a stable foundation that makes it easier to respond to it.
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When breaking the anxiety cycle is not about perfection. You will have days when avoidance wins. This is normal.
Instead of criticizing yourself, try saying:
“I’m doing the best I can.”
“This is part of being human.”
“I can try again tomorrow.”
Self-compassion reduces the shame and frustration that often fuel anxiety even more.
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It can help helpful to approach anxiety anxiety with the mindset of a researcher, not a judge. You could ask yourself:
“What triggered this for me?”
“What was going through my mind?”
“How did my body react?”
Curiosity can create a space for learning. Criticism can create resistance!
You're Not Alone in This
If you are caught in the anxiety cycle, I want you to know this: it makes sense! Your brain is doing what it thinks will keep you safe. But with support, you can step out of the loop and begin to reclaim the parts of your life anxiety has held onto.
Healing doesn’t mean never feeling anxiety again. It means learning how to respond to it with patience, confidence, and self-compassion.
And you deserve that.
Reach out today if you’re ready to disrupt the anxiety cycle and
take back control over your thoughts and behaviours.
Click below to book your session today.
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Barlow, D. H. (2002). Anxiety and its disorders: The nature and treatment of anxiety and panic (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory-learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10–23. doi: 10.1016/j.brat.2014.04.006