What Actually Happens in Therapy (and What Doesn’t)
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what therapy is really like, you’ve come to the right place! Many people picture a quiet room, a long couch, a person holding a clipboard nodding thoughtfully while you recount your childhood - and maybe a tissue box is in soft focus somewhere on a little side table.
While that image isn’t entirely wrong (the tissue box part is often accurate), modern therapy often looks and feels a bit different.
Whether you’ve been thinking about starting therapy, are in the middle of it, or are simply curious, let’s unpack together what actually happens in therapy, what doesn’t!
What Actually Happens in Therapy
You Talk
Yes, therapy involves talking - but it’s not usually a dramatic monologue under a single spotlight like it is portrayed in movies. It’s more of a conversation. You bring what’s on your mind (your struggles, your questions, your patterns) and your therapist typically helps you explore them.
Sometimes you’ll talk a lot; sometimes there will be pauses. Sometimes we’ll ask gentle questions that make you think about things in a new way. And sometimes, honestly, we’ll just sit with the silence, because that’s where insights can bloom.
You don’t have to have it all figured out before you walk in. You don’t even have to know what to talk about. From my experience, many clients start with, “I don’t even know where to start,” and that’s perfectly okay!
(Pro tip: That’s actually a great place to start.)
You Build a Relationship
Therapy isn’t a transaction; it’s a relationship - one that’s safe, consistent, and grounded in trust. Over time, you and your therapist build a working alliance where you can be honest, curious, and sometimes even a little silly.
That connection is the real heart of therapy. Research shows the relationship between client and therapist often matters more than the specific techniques used. Think of it like gardening - you and your therapist create the conditions together for growth to happen.
You Explore Patterns (Not Just Problems)
Therapy isn’t only about fixing what’s “wrong.” It’s also about understanding why you respond to life the way you do. We look at patterns (emotional, relational, and behavioural) that might be helping or hindering you.
You might start to notice how certain themes keep showing up: maybe you find it hard to say no, or you tend to choose the same type of partner, or you feel guilty whenever you rest. Therapy gently brings those patterns into the light, so you can decide what to keep and what to change.
You Learn Skills and Tools
Depending on your therapist’s approach, you might learn specific techniques to manage anxiety, regulate emotions, communicate better, or challenge unhelpful thoughts.
Sometimes we’ll practice skills in session, like mindfulness exercises, grounding strategies, or assertive communication. Other times we’ll explore how to apply insights from therapy to real life.
But here’s the secret: therapy isn’t homework-heavy unless you want it to be. It’s about developing tools that fit you - not just what a self-help book says should work.
You Feel Things (And That’s Good)
Therapy can stir up emotions. Sometimes you’ll laugh, sometimes you’ll cry, and sometimes you’ll feel a bit… messy. That’s not a sign it’s not working - it’s often a sign that it is.
You’re giving yourself permission to feel safely, maybe for the first time in a while. It’s brave, vulnerable work, and your therapist is there to help you hold those feelings without judgment.
What Doesn’t Happen in Therapy
We Don’t “Fix” You
You are not a broken appliance, and therapists are not repair technicians. You don’t come to therapy because you’re defective - you come because you’re human. Therapy is about healing, growth, and self-understanding, not “fixing.”
Your therapist’s job isn’t to give you all the answers, but to help you find your own. We might offer insight, frameworks, or gentle challenges - but ultimately, the power to change is already within you. (Cheesy, yes - but its so true.)
We Don’t Judge You
You can tell us things you’ve never told anyone before (things you’re ashamed of, confused by, or scared to say out loud) and we won’t flinch. Therapists are trained to hold space for the full range of human experience.
Our role is to understand, not judge. We’re not shocked by your thoughts, your mistakes, or your feelings. We’ve probably heard it before - and even if we haven’t, we’ll meet it with empathy, not criticism.
We Don’t Just “Listen and Nod”
Yes, therapists listen a lot, but we’re not passive wallpaper. We reflect, ask questions, challenge assumptions, and help you connect the dots.
Sometimes we’ll bring in psycho-education (fancy word for explaining why your brain does what it does). Sometimes we’ll notice patterns or themes you might not have seen. We’re collaborators in your self-discovery, not quiet spectators.
We Don’t Tell You What to Do (Usually)
A common misconception is that therapy is about getting advice. In reality, therapy helps you make your own choices, not follow ours.
That said, we might offer guidance or options when appropriate (especially in moments of crisis or confusion) but it’s always with the goal of empowering you to decide what’s best for your life!
It’s Not Always Heavy
Yes, therapy can be emotional, but it’s not all tears and tissues. Sometimes there’s laughter, lightness, and moments of real joy. Many sessions are filled with humour, insight, and even playfulness.
Humour can be healing. It helps us find perspective and reminds us that growth doesn’t always have to feel grim.
What You Can Expect Overall
Therapy is, at its core, a space for you to be deeply seen and heard. It’s a process of self-discovery, self-compassion, and often, transformation. It’s not about becoming a “better” version of yourself - it’s about becoming a truer one.
While therapy doesn’t offer quick fixes or magic wands, it offers something much more meaningful: understanding, connection, and the courage to live with greater authenticity.
So if you’ve been thinking about starting therapy, consider this your gentle nudge. You don’t have to have the perfect words or know exactly what you need. Just bring yourself. The rest, we’ll figure out together.