Self-Care for Your Mental Health: Moving Beyond Bubble Baths and “Shoulds”
Self-care has become one of those words we hear everywhere. We see it on social media, in wellness articles, on mugs, and in conversations about mental health. While the idea behind self-care is important, it can sometimes leave us feeling like we have one more thing to add to an already very full to-do list.
Drink more water. Exercise. Meditate. Get enough sleep. Set boundaries. Journal. Take a bath. Put your phone away. Practice gratitude.
Suddenly, self-care starts to feel like another area of life where we’re falling behind or falling short.
As a therapist, I often think about self-care a little differently. Self-care isn’t about creating a perfectly balanced life or finding the ideal morning routine. It isn’t about buying the right products, having an hour of uninterrupted quiet every day, or somehow becoming someone who never feels stressed. At its heart, self-care is about how we care and show up for ourselves while we’re living an imperfect, sometimes overwhelming life.
It can be small. It can be ordinary. And sometimes, it can look very different from what we expect.
What Does Self-Care Really Mean?
When people hear the words “self-care,” they often picture something relaxing or indulgent. And yes, there is absolutely a place for rest, pleasure, and doing things simply because they feel good. But caring for your mental health goes deeper than that.
Self-care can mean noticing that you’ve been running on empty and giving yourself permission to slow down. It can mean eating something because you realize you’ve gone most of the day without a proper meal. It can mean saying no to something you genuinely don’t have capacity for. It can mean going outside for ten minutes, calling someone you trust, getting to bed earlier, or finally making the therapy appointment you’ve been thinking about for months.
Sometimes self-care is soothing.
Sometimes self-care is uncomfortable.
Sometimes self-care is doing the thing that your future self will be grateful you did.
From a therapeutic perspective, I think this distinction matters. We don’t always need another activity to make ourselves feel better in the moment. Sometimes we need to listen to what our emotions, bodies, relationships, and lives are trying to tell us.
Self-Care Isn’t About Doing Everything Right
One of the things I most want people to know about self-care is that there is no perfect way to do it. If you’ve been struggling with anxiety, burnout, low mood, chronic stress, or simply feeling overwhelmed by life, it can be tempting to approach self-care as another problem to solve. You might think, “If I could just meditate every morning, exercise five times a week, sleep eight hours, eat better, journal every night, and stop looking at my phone, I would finally feel okay.”
But mental health doesn’t work like a checklist.
There are seasons when we have more capacity and seasons when we have less. There may be weeks when going for a long walk feels wonderful and weeks when getting out of bed and making breakfast is the accomplishment.
Self-care needs room for that reality.
Rather than asking yourself, “What should I be doing?”, it can be more helpful to ask, “What do I need right now?”
That question creates space for curiosity rather than judgment.
Self-Care and the Nervous System
When we’re under ongoing stress, our minds and bodies can spend a lot of time responding as though something needs our immediate attention. We may feel restless, irritable, exhausted, overwhelmed, disconnected, or constantly “on.” This is one reason simple practices that help us slow down and reconnect with the present moment can be useful.
Mindfulness is one example. It doesn’t have to mean sitting cross-legged on a meditation cushion for 30 minutes. It might mean taking a few intentional breaths before responding to an upsetting email, noticing your feet on the floor while you’re waiting in line, eating a meal without scrolling through your phone, or pausing long enough to recognize what you’re actually feeling.
Mindfulness isn’t magic. But learning to pause, notice, and respond rather than automatically react can be a meaningful skill. And you don’t have to be “good” at it. Your mind wandering during mindfulness isn’t failure. Noticing that your mind wandered is the practice.
Self-Compassion is Self-Care
Imagine that someone you love comes to you and says, “I’m struggling. I feel like I’m not doing enough. I keep making mistakes, and I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” Most of us wouldn’t respond by listing everything that person is doing wrong. We’d offer understanding. We might remind them that they’re human, that difficult periods happen, and that struggling doesn’t mean they’re failing.
Yet many of us speak to ourselves in a completely different way.
Self-compassion asks us to offer ourselves some of the same understanding we naturally extend to the people we care about. This doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility or pretending everything is fine. It means recognizing that we can hold ourselves accountable without treating ourselves with cruelty.
As a therapist, I’ve noticed that one important aspect of self-care is often overlooked: the way we speak to ourselves. I believe that self-compassion is the emotional foundation of self-care. Research suggests that the way we respond to ourselves, particularly during difficult moments, is connected to how we cope with stress and engage in behaviours that support our well-being.
Self-care isn’t always about adding something to our lives. Sometimes, it’s about changing the way we respond to ourselves when life is hard.
Your Body is Part of Your Mental Health
It’s easy to separate physical health from mental health, but our bodies and minds are constantly influencing one another. Sleep is a great example. When we’re stressed, anxious, or emotionally overwhelmed, sleep can become difficult. And when we’re consistently not sleeping well, our ability to regulate emotions, concentrate, cope with stress, and manage everyday challenges can become harder.
That doesn’t mean you need to create a perfect sleep routine. It might simply mean noticing whether you’re regularly pushing yourself past exhaustion because there is always one more thing to do.
Similarly, movement can be part of mental health care. You don’t need to become a marathon runner or spend hours at the gym. Walking, stretching, dancing in your kitchen, yoga, swimming, or any movement that feels accessible can count.
The goal isn’t to turn exercise into another measure of your worth. Your body isn’t a project that needs fixing. Movement can simply be one way of supporting yourself.
Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Care
Sometimes the most difficult self-care isn’t relaxing at all.
It’s saying no.
It’s telling someone you aren’t available.
It’s asking for help.
It’s stepping away from a relationship dynamic that consistently leaves you depleted.
It’s deciding that answering work messages at 10pm doesn’t need to be your normal.
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’ve spent years prioritizing other people’s needs. You may worry that someone will be disappointed, angry, or upset with you. That discomfort doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong. Sometimes it means you’re doing something unfamiliar.
Healthy boundaries aren’t about controlling other people. They’re about becoming clearer about what you can give, what you need, and what you are willing to participate in. For many people, learning to set boundaries is not something that happens overnight. It’s something we can explore together in therapy, particularly when guilt, people-pleasing, fear of conflict, or past experiences make boundaries difficult.
Self-Care Between Therapy Sessions
Therapy can offer a space to slow down and understand yourself in a way that can be difficult to do when you’re caught up in everyday life. We can explore patterns, relationships, emotions, beliefs, experiences, and the ways you’ve learned to cope. But therapy doesn’t happen only inside the therapy room.
Some of the most meaningful work can happen in the space between sessions. You might notice yourself catching an old thought before automatically believing it. You might recognize that you’re becoming overwhelmed sooner than you used to. You might pause before saying yes to something you don't actually want to do. You might finally allow yourself to rest without having to earn it first.
These moments can seem small., but they aren’t. Change often happens through small, repeated experiences of responding to ourselves differently. Self-care can become one of the ways we take what we’re learning in therapy and bring it into everyday life.
What If You Don’t Have Much Energy for Self-Care?
This is an important question because sometimes the people who need care the most are the people with the least energy available to give themselves. If you’re experiencing depression, burnout, anxiety, grief, chronic stress, or emotional exhaustion, a long list of self-care recommendations can feel completely overwhelming.
So start smaller. Instead of asking, “How can I completely change my life?” ask, “What would make today five percent gentler?” Maybe that’s drinking a glass of water. Maybe it’s stepping outside. Maybe it’s cancelling something that doesn’t need to happen today. Maybe it’s texting someone you trust. Maybe it’s taking a shower. Maybe it’s going to bed. Maybe it’s doing absolutely nothing for ten minutes without telling yourself that you’re being unproductive.
And sometimes the answer is I need more support than self-care can provide. That’s important information, too. Self-care can support mental health, but it isn’t a replacement for professional care when you need it. Reaching out for therapy isn’t a sign that you’ve failed at taking care of yourself. In many cases, asking for support is self-care.
A More Compassionate Way to Think About Self-Care
Rather than thinking of self-care as something you have to squeeze into your already busy life, consider it an ongoing relationship with yourself.
What are you noticing?
What are you carrying?
Where are you asking too much of yourself?
Where might you need more support?
What helps you feel grounded?
What leaves you feeling depleted?
What have you been saying yes to when you really mean no?
And perhaps most importantly: what would it look like to treat yourself as someone worthy of care, even when you’re struggling?
There won’t always be a perfect answer. Some days, self-care might look like movement and connection. Other days, it might look like rest and quiet. Sometimes it will mean setting a boundary. Sometimes it will mean reaching out for help. The goal isn’t to create a life where you never feel stressed, sad, anxious, overwhelmed, or tired. That’s not realistic. The goal is to build a relationship with yourself where you can notice when you’re struggling and respond with curiosity, compassion, and support rather than criticism. That is a form of care worth practicing.
If you’re finding that taking care of yourself feels difficult, impossible, or like one more responsibility you simply can’t manage right now, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Therapy can be a space to slow down, understand what’s happening beneath the surface, and begin finding ways of caring for yourself that actually fit your life.
At A Welcoming Home Psychotherapy, we believe therapy should feel human, collaborative, and grounded in where you are - not where you think you “should” be. Sometimes taking care of yourself starts with something very simple: letting yourself be supported.
If this resonates with you.
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, disconnected from yourself, or like you’re constantly taking care of everyone else while putting your own needs aside, self-care can be an important place to begin. Therapy can provide a supportive space to better understand what you’re experiencing, reconnect with your needs, explore boundaries, and develop healthier and more compassionate ways of caring for yourself.
If you’d like to learn more, you can explore our Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy services to see how we support clients in this work.
